I’ve been trying to keep the negativity in my life at a minimum. I find I’m much happier that way, but there is no other way to describe my latest attempt to be physically active.
I’ve even willingly skipped two of the 5 so far fitness sessions that I paid for when I signed up for the Smartest Loser program at my workplace.
Total fail. I am handed a superb deal on 12 fitness sessions and I’ve passed up on 2 of the 12. What was I thinking? I wasn’t. I was seeing results, too…
It sucks. I get going for a few days, maybe a week or two and then I fall off the damn health and fitness wagon.
Lately I’ve been very unhappy with my job. I’m working two jobs (a full-time job in my field and a part-time job for the extra income) and I’ve been very stressed out. It is a really tough job market out there for us science graduates. My full-time job is a contract position until October 2012. I’ve been in this job since May 2011 and have had my contract renewed 4 times (yes, FOUR times!). I feel annoyed that I cannot let go of my part time job (since it is permanent part time, I’ve been working for Shoppers Drug Mart for 5 years and counting…) because I don’t have anything lined up for October. Plus, my manager at my part time job is quite perverted and my boyfriend isn’t too happy with me working there (neither am I).
I know that my part time job takes away time and focus from my health and fitness goals. I feel like I could do so much more if I had more time, but right now I’m spending that extra time at a part time job which I don’t particularly enjoy any more.
The pressure at my contract job, too, is building up. Expectations are at an all time high and I feel so much more stress to perform. Yet at the same time, I feel that I am not an integrated member of the overall team because some of my colleagues view me as a temporary contract employee who is fresh out of school and has little creative input. I’ve addressed this issue with my manager (albeit I mistakenly sent an email as oppose to addressing it face-to-face) with little resolve. It’s super frustrating.
And it makes me think that my contract won’t get renewed again in October. And then again I stress out because I’m having such a difficult time getting an interview for any of the positions that I apply for. And so I get lazy and hungry because of the stress and my emotions.
And so I eat.
And I don’t work out.
I fall off the wagon.
And here I am blogging about it.