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I’ve been trying to keep the negativity in my life at a minimum. I find I’m much happier that way, but there is no other way to describe my latest attempt to be physically active.

Fitness fail.

I’ve even willingly skipped two of the 5 so far fitness sessions that I paid for when I signed up for the Smartest Loser program at my workplace.

Total fail. I am handed a superb deal on 12 fitness sessions and I’ve passed up on 2 of the 12. What was I thinking? I wasn’t. I was seeing results, too…

It sucks. I get going for a few days, maybe a week or two and then I fall off the damn health and fitness wagon.

Lately I’ve been very unhappy with my job. I’m working two jobs (a full-time job in my field and a part-time job for the extra income) and I’ve been very stressed out. It is a really tough job market out there for us science graduates. My full-time job is a contract position until October 2012. I’ve been in this job since May  2011 and have had my contract renewed 4 times (yes, FOUR times!). I feel annoyed that I cannot let go of my part time job (since it is permanent part time, I’ve been working for Shoppers Drug Mart for 5 years and counting…) because I don’t have anything lined up for October. Plus, my manager at my part time job is quite perverted and my boyfriend isn’t too happy with me working there (neither am I).

I know that my part time job takes away time and focus from my health and fitness goals. I feel like I could do so much more if I had more time, but right now I’m spending that extra time at a part time job which I don’t particularly enjoy any more.

The pressure at my contract job, too, is building up. Expectations are at an all time high and I feel so much more stress to perform. Yet at the same time, I feel that I am not an integrated member of the overall team because some of my colleagues view me as a temporary contract employee who is fresh out of school and has little creative input. I’ve addressed this issue with my manager (albeit I mistakenly sent an email as oppose to addressing it face-to-face) with little resolve. It’s super frustrating.

And it makes me think that my contract won’t get renewed again in October. And then again I stress out because I’m having such a difficult time getting an interview for any of the positions that I apply for. And so I get lazy and hungry because of the stress and my emotions.

And so I eat.

And I don’t work out.

I fall off the wagon.

And here I am blogging about it.